I have never really known what I wanted to do with my life. As 20 year olds, we're constantly being asked what we're going to do in the future, what our passions are. And I've never known how to answer that. I went through college, took a variety of classes, joined different clubs, and I still didn't really know what I wanted to do. After graduating, I got 3 different jobs, got involved with some of my hobbies, but I didn't know where I was going. Then I went to Myanmar, kind of hoping I would figure it all out while I was there and come out the other side with a clear vision of my future. That didn't happen. But now, after some big life changes and being home for a few months, I've started to realized that deep down I've always known what my passion is.
Travel.
Upon returning home, I started going through the process of redoing my room. As much as I loved the pink carpet and bunk bed when I was 12, it was time for a change. This required me to empty the entire room and go through all the piles of crap that had accumulated over the years. While clearing out my bedside table, I found old itinerary papers from when I went to Thailand two years ago and documents I had completed before studying abroad in Australia. Ticket stubs and journals and a giant syringe I had kept from an insane asylum-turned-bar in Melbourne were scattered across my floor. Since returning home from my time in Asia, thinking about traveling made me feel down and distant from this magical life I once had. But finding these items warmed my heart. To look back and see that 2 years ago I had already started to develop this love for travel was so comforting, but what I didn't realize yet was that this wasn't the start of my passion for travel.
When I was 13 and 15 I traveled to Germany with a youth circus group I was a part of a group called CircEsteem. This was the first trip I took outside the United States without my family. We spent a month at a German circus camp in a rural town outside of Stuttgart, taking and teaching classes with kids from all around Europe. I still remember this experience so clearly – I can taste the cheese sandwiches grilled over a fire, I can see the schneccas (slugs) crawling along our tent walls. While going through my closet, I came across a huge box filled with old german candies, makeshift address books filled with German phone numbers of lost friends, and other keepsakes I refused to throw away. I then remembered I even made my parents keep an old, broken suitcase because it had "german dirt" on it.
One day while I was at the camp, we took a trip to a lake. Two of my best friends and I piled into two seats on a school bus as we drove through the German countryside. Looking out the window, I admired the pristine rolling hills and the precious farm houses while my friends peacefully napped on each other. At this moment, I remember thinking how I had to come back and see more of this continent. Maybe this was the real spark of my desire to see the world.
But then I went deeper into my room. I began clearing out the shelves above my dresser which were home to forgotten chachskis and old softball participation trophies. One shelf was filled with my doll collection. Most of the dust covered figurines no longer had much meaning to me, but as I plucked a few unique dolls from the shelf, I again saw how my life has always been intertwined with travel. These dolls were from a collection that displayed girls from different cultures around the world. I had one from India, Alaska, Japan, and a few other places. Out of all the dolls on the shelf, these are the ones I remember. These are the ones that made an impact on me. Even when I was at this young age, I had a curiosity about the rest of the world.
I don't know where this curiosity to explore the globe originated from, but looking back, travel has, in some way, influenced each stage of my life. Since graduating college, probably even since high school, I've been searching for my "calling" or even just for answer to the question that every adult you encounter has to ask–"what do you want to do?" And though graduating and not having a clear life direction is pretty common with my generation, that doesn't mean it wasn't any less unsettling. But now, after wandering through my past and rediscovering that I have long been interested in international cultures, after family trips to the Caribbean, after going to a German circus camp, after spending a summer in Australia and Fiji, after studying abroad in Australia, after going on a solo trip to Thailand, and after almost a whole year living abroad in Asia, I finally have a clearer picture of my life. The answer was in front of me all along.
Feeling as though I have a life direction is relieving and fulfilling and terrifying and thrilling all at once. And while I still have NO idea what my life is going to look like, or even what next month or week is going to look like, I finally know where I want to go.
Travel is my life. And where do I want to go? Everywhere.
P.S. I've made some updates to my blog! It's still in the works but check out my Photos page and my About Me page if you're curious to learn more about me and my travels!
I hope to keep this blog running now and while on my future travels so stay tuned!